Today I woke up to my mother-in-law who lives down the street opening up my door with a special urgency in her voice telling me to call my mother because my father is in the hospital. As soon as I called my mother and heard her crying over the phone all I wanted her to do was come down and tell me some of the basic information I needed. After that my mother-in-law took my son while my wife and I jumped in the vehicle and proceeded to quickly drive to pick my mom up and go to the emergency room. My father has been smoking cigarettes for at least 40 years so I immediately thought about respiratory problems when I heard that he woke up throwing up blood in the middle of the night.
As we arrived I saw him in the ER sitting by him self, very shaken up with a little bit of blood on his collar. I gave him a hug that meant Soo much to me and felt like rubbing his back which luckily he let me. I really remember that hug at this moment and it it is one I will never forget.
This wonderfull man Patrick Roetker adopted me when I was around two years old and although we both share very large noses, he is not my biological father. He is all I know and remember of a man to look up to. I cannot imagine being adopted by a better person. He has instilled in me an old school workers mentality which brings a high level of grit and grind serving great purpose in my life. He is also not afraid to show his emotion but is still extremely masculine at the same time which is yet another quality in which I pride myself on. He tells me how much he loves me very often and we talked about things that we both care about and come to middle grounds. He has been a great leader and a great role model at so many capacities and it is so cliche to say that you do not know what you have until it’s gone. I often take time and thank the Lord for each and every one of my family members. But there can be no measure of appreciation and gratitude to what it feels like to hold your loved ones in your arms after the serious consideration of them being gone just minutes before. It was also a tremendous feeling seeing all the family member show up and support each other. After all the results from the different tests the doctors took he has a specialist he needs to see but there appears to be a nodule that may have burst in his lungs. So it turns out I am gifted with more time with my father!
I am left continuously asking myself what lasts?
It is obvious after the time of Christmas and opening gifts that the the new feeling of the Spike that a gift can give you comes and goes and leaves no trace. So obviously physical things do not hold the substance to feed the soul. What is it then? I keep praying and praying and asking and I’m going to continue to ask. The only response I continue to get when I ask :
Q: What lasts? The response from the silence is always the same :
A: My love